She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
i've created a new STD.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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