I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
