Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
