I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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