Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Randomize
