i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
