do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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