We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
