My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
