look no pants
i just google imaged poop.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Sext me about skeletons
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
