I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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