He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
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I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
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I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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