What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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