The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
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