I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
