I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
