New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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