she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize