if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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