ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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