my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
