In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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