i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
