I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
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