Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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