Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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