You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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