if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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