He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
