did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
It's never too late to be topless.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
