i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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