Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
