so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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