i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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