the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
