it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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