Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
