thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Randomize
