and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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