The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Randomize
