dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
