are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
