You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
