Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
i just made my gag reflex go away.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
