the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
