Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Someone shattered a urinal.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
