2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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