i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
