There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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