final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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