you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
