I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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