Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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