Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
