What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
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We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
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Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
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