I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
