Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
