Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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