Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
