He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
as a side note pls kill me
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