So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
