I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
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It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
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but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize