I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
