Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
