this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
