Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
